Chris Brown

This has appeared in many church magazines and whilst I’m not in the habit of passing on this kind of thing it took me so long to find a copy of it the other day I thought I’d stick it in my blog and then I’d always have a copy somewhere.

It is mildly amusing and very corny (maybe even a little sad) but I think it does make the point that it does matter who you believe in – not all beliefs are equal.

I believe in soap, the Lather Almighty, and in shining white, his only sud.
Conceived of research chemists; Born of modern technology;
Offered under plenitudinous trade names;
advertised; demonstrated; and bartered.
I really, honestly and most sincerely,
believe in soap. Why, I attend the local soap factory every Sunday.
There, alongside others who believe in soap, we sing songs of praise
to the Almighty Sud.
Hymns such as, “O Camay Ye Faithful,” “Lux Devine All Suds Excelling” and “I Need Thee Every Shower”.
Visiting rinsers stand on their soap boxes, and exhort us to give of
our wealth, in order to establish launderettes in developing countries.
They teach us how we can remain clean, by deep study of the soap users manual.
I’m telling you this in order to convince you of my
sincerity. It’s a faith which I share with my wife,
and a faith which we seek to pass on to our children.
I do believe in soap, I will always believe in soap.
Mind you, there was a time when I did not believe. But I well
remember the day. An itinerant soap salesman called at our door.
Handing us a catalogue, he said “Put this in your Palm Olive.” To
which we replied, “Not on your Life Boy!” But he had opened his
case and pressed a tablet into our hands, and proceeded to warn us,
of the dire consequences of not believing in soap. He spoke of
diseases, germs, dirt and grime.
Soon thereafter, what I’d thought to be a load of old flannel,
completely changed my life. I knelt down there and then to spray.
But of course, it’s enough just to believe in soap,
isn’t it?
I mean, I don’t actually have to wash in the stuff, do I?

One of the attacks that is often made on Christians is that they are all hypocrites – Christians like to say what is right and wrong and yet they don’t always do what they say we should.

There is a sense in which this is true, of course. Christians are not perfect followers of Jesus Christ, in truth they are no more perfect than anyone else, in that every last one of them (us) will make mistakes. I would want to claim, though, that those who try hard to be good disciples of Jesus probably do actually do a reasonable job; but even they will fail and sometimes the failure will be big.

The question though should not be are Christians hypocrites  – you might as well ask if they are people – but does Christianity work? This is the real question.

It may be possible to avoid hypocrisy by not saying anything. In fact this seems to be the way most people think we deal with it. Don’t admit that you fail but instead don’t say anything about what is right or wrong and in that way you avoid being a hypocrite. Is it just me or is this nonsense? What is the use in not seeking after truth and not trying to follow a good way if we do it just avoid being a hypocrite? What we would ever achieve if we only ever did the things we knew we could do?

Do we say that computers are useless and do not work because so many people who use one make mistakes? Of course not!

Because we all fail does not mean it is pointless to try. The real measure of the Christian faith should be does it work most of the time and the answer would need to be a resounding yes.

In my youth the scouts (I went once but it wasn’t for me although I admire the organisation itself) always used to carry a bit of string in their pocket (maybe they still do) on the basis that it is always good to be prepared.

I’ve read recently about several call outs for the mountain rescue teams around the country where people were poorly prepared. This included a walker who got lost 400 meters from a car park because he failed to pack a torch; a person climbing a mountain in flip-flops; and two young men because they tried to climb a welsh mountain one wearing trainers and the other light walking boots (only suitable for low hills in summer months in my opinion). It is very hard to impress upon people (young and old) the need to carry the equipment necessary to be safe when out on the hills. In ideal circumstances very little is necessary for a nice walk but these ideal conditions are actually very rare and it is often surprising how quickly weather can change and what a difference a sprained ankle can make.

Of course, it is also difficult to get people to understand that they have a need for God when everything is going fine. It is only when disaster strikes that having a greater power to depend on can become very desirable. Life is very much like hiking in this regard it is best to be prepared, easy times should not be an excuse for neglecting God.

Happy Christmas to you all. I was asked the other day why we celebrate on 25th December? I couldn’t remember all the details then so here is a very quick resume of the answer.

1. It is nine months after March 25th which is when the visit to Mary of the angle Gabriel takes place (traditionally) announcing that Mary was to bear Jesus Christ – God’s son. Known as the annunciation and is still celebrated on that day. Of course, no one has ever really believed that these were the actual dates of the Annunciation or the birth of Jesus but by tradition this is when they are celebrated.

2. March 25 is traditionally the day on which Jesus died (now Easter is calculated according to the Jewish calendar) and because great men traditionally live whole years and not fractions of a year. This could make Jesus’ conception to be March 25th the same day as his death and therefore Christmas occurs on 25th December.

3. A 12 century monk once declared that Christians linked Christmas with pagan festivals but there is no evidence for this (other than there being some pagan festivals around this time of year) before the 12th century and so this seems to be just speculation but speculation that has somehow become general belief.

4. There are no pagan festivals on the 25th December until after Christians start celebrating on that day. The old chestnut of Mithras is often brought up in this context but this is because Mithras was an ancient god that a cult grew up around about the same time Christianity was beginning to grow. The mystery cult of Mithras was a purely Roman invention and has nothing to do with the ancient Mithras. It seems to counter the growth of Christianity the date for Mithra’s birth was declared to be 25th December because that was when Christians celebrated the birth of Christ. Saturnalia was celebrated just before the 25th. The Sol celebrations of ancient Rome did not happen in mid winter until long after Christians had celebrated on the 25th Dec.

It seems then that the 25th December is actually a Christian celebration and maybe it is about time people stopped claiming otherwise. There are also many Christmas traditions that are purely Christian but which are often claimed have pagan origins.

Have a very happy and blessed Christmas

One of those little nuggets of wisdom that I like to pass on to my children is that just having the last word does not mean you win an argument – although I suspect that I usually say this in an attempt to have the last word.

However, understanding that winning an argument is actually about being the one who says something that is true is much more important. I have found that so often it is the desire to have the last word that causes arguments to deteriorate to pettiness and name calling. Sometimes when people have actually said something that wins an argument they end up destroying their logic by saying something really silly just to make sure they have the last word.

I am also hopeful that in the end the truth will win and it is far better to leave friends with someone and then let the inescapable logic of your argument sink in and make a change later than to leave enemies with your truth in tatters.

Of course alongside all this has to be the understanding that it could just be your thinking that was flawed and by insisting you keep arguing so you can win by having the last word you end up demonstrating just how silly you actually are.

Don’t always try to have the final word – it means nothing anyway.

Had a good visit to the Duke of Edinburgh Award Scheme head office in Windsor to talk about the work I’m doing with the scheme and my desire to see the church supporting the scheme. It is always inspirational to see so many young people taking up the challenge and then succeeding – well done to all those who do the scheme.

The scheme always runs in stark contrast to the way young people are portrayed in the media. If you believed what the media tell us you would think that young people just want to get drunk and party (and other things I won’t mention on a website read by church people) but in my experience young people are very different to that image. They like to have fun, don’t we all, but they are also determined to make a difference to the world – we could all learn a great deal from the wonderful young people who undertake the scheme.

It seems that I’m the very first DofE Chaplain ever, I hope it is the start of something bigger than me.

I was delighted to hear the result in the Scottish referendum and despite it being their own choice I must confess to praying that they stay in the Union.

I was often confused by comments made during the campaign, but one that confused me most was when people on the ‘yes’ side kept saying that they would vote yes for the sake of democracy. Forgive me for saying it but isn’t democracy when a group of people get together and decide a matter by voting and then those who don’t get their way accept the choice of the majority? I’m not going to say who I vote for but lets just say that I didn’t vote for the current government but that doesn’t mean that the democratic thing for me to do would be to break off and do my own thing, surely that would be anti-democracy. If I had my way we would have free University and an NHS without any privatization but that doesn’t mean the democratic thing for me to do is to leave the country. The democratic thing to do is to stay and work hard at getting everyone else to see my point of view. Saying a yes was a vote for democracy is like saying I believe in marriage so much I’m going to get a divorce.

Anyway, as someone who believes it is always better to find a way forwards together than apart I’m really glad that we are still Great Britain.