This has appeared in many church magazines and whilst I’m not in the habit of passing on this kind of thing it took me so long to find a copy of it the other day I thought I’d stick it in my blog and then I’d always have a copy somewhere.
It is mildly amusing and very corny (maybe even a little sad) but I think it does make the point that it does matter who you believe in – not all beliefs are equal.
I believe in soap, the Lather Almighty, and in shining white, his only sud.
Conceived of research chemists; Born of modern technology;
Offered under plenitudinous trade names;
advertised; demonstrated; and bartered.
I really, honestly and most sincerely,
believe in soap. Why, I attend the local soap factory every Sunday.
There, alongside others who believe in soap, we sing songs of praise
to the Almighty Sud.
Hymns such as, “O Camay Ye Faithful,” “Lux Devine All Suds Excelling” and “I Need Thee Every Shower”.
Visiting rinsers stand on their soap boxes, and exhort us to give of
our wealth, in order to establish launderettes in developing countries.
They teach us how we can remain clean, by deep study of the soap users manual.
I’m telling you this in order to convince you of my
sincerity. It’s a faith which I share with my wife,
and a faith which we seek to pass on to our children.
I do believe in soap, I will always believe in soap.
Mind you, there was a time when I did not believe. But I well
remember the day. An itinerant soap salesman called at our door.
Handing us a catalogue, he said “Put this in your Palm Olive.” To
which we replied, “Not on your Life Boy!” But he had opened his
case and pressed a tablet into our hands, and proceeded to warn us,
of the dire consequences of not believing in soap. He spoke of
diseases, germs, dirt and grime.
Soon thereafter, what I’d thought to be a load of old flannel,
completely changed my life. I knelt down there and then to spray.
But of course, it’s enough just to believe in soap,
isn’t it?
I mean, I don’t actually have to wash in the stuff, do I?
3 replies on “I believe in soap, the Lather Almighty”
A Gordon Bailey original from the 70’s epilogues….I remember it well
Did Gordon Bailey write anything else in this fashion? or any other fashion, if it comes to that?
There were three books, Patchwork Quill, Plastic World and Mothballed Religion. I should love to be able to get hold of them.