My life, since becoming a Christian hasn’t always worked out the way I would want it to. There is a large part of me that would just love to have a very normal life. That is have a normal job , earn a moderate amount of money, sit at the back of a church during services, spend my time with my family, etc. Of course it is debatable whether anyone ever gets to live that kind of life but I guess there are quite a number of people who would like it.
But God always seems to have other plans for me. It doesn’t matter what I try or how hard I work at it I just can’t seem to avoid God calling on me to do something. I’m not complaining about God’s call because such times are usually what I find fulfilling and exciting but they do have their consequences.
I have pleaded with God to leave me alone at times (and I do mean pleaded). I have wept and agonised over all that God asks me to do. I’ve tried ignoring God in the hopes that perhaps God will let me be and leave me to get on with my life but God never leaves me.
I’ve come to know Psalm 139 pretty well over the years:
1 O Lord, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O Lord.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths,a
you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
The Holy Bible : New International Version. 1984; Published in electronic form by Logos Research Systems, 1996 (electronic edition.) (Ps 139:1). London: Hodder & Stoughton.
Ultimately I’ve been forced to do what God wants me to do. I don’t say this because I think I’m better than any other Christian and I’m sure this is the experience of most, if not all, of Christians.
I’m reluctantly learning that it is far better and easier to co-operate with God than to resist. The funny thing is that although I think I want to resist I only ever feel happy when I don’t.